break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
