imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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