we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
