You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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