You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
