Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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