If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize