i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you had me at cake vodka
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
