shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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