i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
