I want you more than these girls want KFC
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
