My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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