that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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