I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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