Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize