so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
