I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
