I cannot find my penis.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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