he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
