so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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