saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
