well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
