You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
