I wish my penis had an off switch
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
