it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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