Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
