i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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