after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
