Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
