Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
