Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
