Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
