My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
