i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
a search helicopter?!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
