Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
