only if we run a train.
done.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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