The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
