turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
