I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
well most of my day revolves around power hour
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
