Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
