Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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