I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
