we're chasing vodka with high fives
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
