I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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