Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
