It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
