It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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