Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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