My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
