Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
