my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
