everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
