I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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