After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize