and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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