My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize