She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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