She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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