Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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