Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
