if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Randomize
