I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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