Duck Duck Cougar?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize