Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
