Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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